Reconciliation Costs Us Something

When Paul asked Philemon to forgive and be reconciled to his runaway slave, Onesimus, he made that appeal on the basis of how Christ forgives and receives us when we have been running from Him. “Receive him as you would receive me,” Paul writes. How could Philemon do that? How could he fully forgive Onesimus’s breach of trust? 
 
Paul could have referred Philemon to what he had written to the church in Corinth at this point. “For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”  
 
Paul asked Philemon to look at Onesimus the way we are to look at everyone in Christ, no longer regarding them according to the flesh. We are to see them as new creations in Christ, partners in the ministry, brothers and sisters in the faith. Even when we have been offended!  
 
I don’t know how Philemon felt about Paul’s request, but I know how I have dealt sometimes with one like it. Have you ever had to meet with someone to be reconciled when you really didn’t want to? In an elders’ meeting early on in the life of Antioch, one of the elders said after we had prayed, “I think we need to be reconciled with our former pastor.” Five families, mine included, had left our former church in 1986 with legitimate biblical reasons, and several months later had started Antioch, but we all knew that there was sin involved in how we had left. We each agreed to write a letter to the pastor, asking humbly for his forgiveness, hoping that he would give it freely. What he gave us was a letter in reply asking to meet with each of us, individually, at his house. Gulp. Here’s what I wrote about that:  
 
“I remember turning into his driveway and my heart felt like it would pound all the way through my chest. My palms were moist, my mouth felt like cotton, my breath was shallow. It’s a wonder I didn’t pass out right there on his doorstep! He led me down the path to his back-yard retreat (a small storage-building he used as an office), and we entered and closed the door. Then the greatest thing happened. He smiled at me and told me that he forgave me. He prayed with me, and I floated back to the car, feeling maybe 20 pounds lighter. The other Antioch elders had a similar experience. When we gathered to share our experiences, we rejoiced at the good news that as we obeyed, God supplied His grace for reconciliation. We could turn our sails into the wind of His Holy Spirit now and receive His power and direction.” We had been received as brothers. 
 
Again, Paul says, “receive him as you would receive me.” Onesimus had offended Philemon, and now Paul is asking Philemon to receive him back as if he were Paul. It is important for the sake of our spiritual health that when we are offended, we not only forgive, but we seek to be reconciled. We teach our children that, right? Cindy and I used to ask our children when they had gotten into a fight to tell each other they were sorry, and to hug. And to say, “I love you.” I remember one of the boys pushing Luke over and causing tears, and the ensuing hug and the “I’m sorry.” But what I remember most is the offending boy, who couldn’t really talk very well, saying, “I wubboo kookie!”  
 
I was at a meeting several years ago where some pastors and some men from Piedmont Men of Steel were there. These guys are ex-offenders who grew up rough, in many cases with either a missing or abusive father. And they said that one thing that drew them to the Piedmont Men of Steel meetings was that every week, at every meeting, all the men go around the room and give every other man a hug and say, “I love you.” At first it seems weird for a new guy, and he doesn’t want to do it, because he has never experienced that before. But it wasn’t long before he starts coming to the meetings because of those hugs and the “I love yous.” These men were finally being regarded, not according to the flesh, but as new creations in Christ.  
 
Paul says in effect, “Philemon, receive this man back. Give him a hug, like you would give to me, and tell him that you love him. He is your brother.”  
 
Reconciliation is costly. Jesus knows that best, and with His help, we can, too.